I woke very early this morning in a sudden tangle of confusion and sat up in bed feeling suffocated by an incomprehensible sense of tedium. It was provoked neither by a dream nor by any reality. It was a feeling of absolute, utter tedium that had its roots in something unknowable. In the dark depths of my soul, invisible unknown forces engaged in a battle in which my being was the battleground, and the whole of me was shaken by this secret struggle. With my waking was born a physical nausea for all life. A horror at having to live awoke and sat up with me in bed. Everything rang hollow to me and I was filled with the cold realization that every problem, whatever it might be, would prove insoluble.A terrible anxiety gripped and shook my smallest gesture. I felt afraid I might go mad, not from madness, but just from being there. My whole body was a suppressed scream. My heart beat as if it would speak.
too post-punk to live, too new wave to die.
you know that unexplainable sickish feeling where youre not really sick and you dont really have a headache but you just feel wrong and you cant get comfortable or find something that youre really into but you kinda feel too ill to sleep or eat its like your body saying “i dont know what i want you to do but this isnt it”
actually all of my systems are nervous
*leans against wall*
*sips a capri sun*
sorry i’m late, professor. im disenchanted with the human experience and waking up every morning thrusts me into an instant existential crisis